My crossroad

Everybody faces a cross road. It is like I have reached my own.

I don’t know if the whole world conspiring to get you your wish is true or not, but it seems like I am in the middle of one such conspiracy by the universe.

When I was a child my worst nightmare was following the lifestyle of my parents or my sister or everybody around me. It is another matter that at that point of time I thought I will make much more money than all of them and hence my life would be different.

It seems like I was right about one thing but not the other. I still fear treading the same lifestyle and yet here I am, doing exactly everything in the same manner albeit in a better environment. I am making a little more money but that is not calming me.But it is not through money I want to make my life different but it is by following my passion. My dream of seeing the whole world. 

I am slowly realizing that it is not money that I want but financial security is what I am looking for. Not for my family not for my kids (yet to be born) or for my future married life. I just want some financial security so that I can follow my passion.

Each day in the job is getting more and more routine. To be honest, there is nothing wrong in the job profile, nothing wrong with the organization I am working for. The company is taking really good care of me. It is just that it is forcing me to become another brick in the wall.

What if this is the only life I have got, what if my karma does not allow me to be reborn as a human being again. Will I rue the change that I have missed? There is so much to see and so much to do and I am wasting my time here. It is sounding like another maniacal blabber to me, but this time I am not going to give up. I am actually looking for options. I am not looking for options to get a better job, for me at this point of time every job is the same. Every job is taking me a day away from my true reckoning.

I regret the days I wasted pursuing education. Why did I have to join a job at all? Why couldn’t the people around me motivate enough and give me courage to leave everything and give the things I love a try atleast once.

Every passing moment I am making the decision. Should I leave the job, should I leave everyone I know behind? Because they are the one tying me down, not with their emotional love or bonding, I am too mature to get tied down by it. But with their idiotic logic that I have to earn some money, pay off my loan, fulfil their dreams, build a house one can live in, buy a car, get married, etc. But in all these don’t I get the right to become selfish?

Some might laugh at the idea but I feel that the places around the world are waiting for me. They are calling for me. And in all these I don’t want to take a companion with me. It will perhaps spoil the relationship of the places with me.

Why can’t I fly like Christopher McCandless?