My love hate relationship

I was in the middle of writing a perfectly normal post, and there I spot her again.

Oh man! Come on!

Just a few days back I drove her out of my room. How shameless can she be? Can’t she notice, that I don’t like her? In addition to that, there is nothing in my 'perfectly clean' room for her.

Then I realized I not only ‘don’t like’ her, I am also afraid of her.

Yes, I admit, the fearless Tarun Goyal is afraid of lizard and for that matter, I am afraid of anything and everything that creeps. I just can’t stand them. And to add to my woe, none of my friends share my emotions. Just plain emotionless bastards!

They are perfectly okay about sharing their rooms with some complete stranger. They don’t mind if she is just crawling on the wall of their room or creeping on their floor. Not me, though! I tried to do this a lot of times, acting all cool, as if I don’t care, if it is in my room or not. But the longest I was able to do so was for 30 seconds.

So this time also I have to drive her out.

By now, I have more or less perfected the art of driving a lizard out of my room. The path was never easy, it was full of obstacles, and I learnt a lot by committing mistakes. With my lizard-repellant art, I went on to drive her out. Again!

After my inevitable victory, I thought this is becoming too much of a regular affair. So I turned to the great Google to help me out. Googled: “How to keep lizards out?”

I got nothing substantial. Too rub salt on my wounds, every search result will start with "most of the women are afraid of...". Come on you sexist pigs. Men are not always supposed to be brave. I also have the right to be afraid. I only got this little piece of crap. I have no idea whether it works or not. I don’t care, because I am not going to try it.

So I don’t know how to keep lizard out. What I do know is how to effectively drive lizard out of your room, once it gets in.

1. Keep a long stick/broom/pole handy with you. For me, it is always the curtain bar.
2. Close every almirah doors, drawers, dustbin covers and any other such things. I learned this lesson, a very hard way. It is a very tragic story, but some other day.
3. Identify the current location of your target.
4. Open all the windows and doors of your room. It might backfire sometimes though, because as you drive this creepy character from one exit, another one can take entry from the other side. But “risk to spiderman ko bhi lena padta hai, fir tum to ‘whatever’ ho”
5. Based on the current location of the target, identify an exit option for your unwanted guest.
6. Using your weapon (curtain bar in my case), tap on the opposite side, to where you want the guest to go. It means the guest should always be between, the door and the pole. As it will not like to run towards the pole, so it will run towards the door.
7. As soon as she goes out of the door, shut the door quickly. Shut all windows, and take a deep breathe, relax, you are safe now. Nothing can happen to you.

Some words of caution:

1. Always try to position yourself on an elevated place, like your bed, or table or chair. You never know the creep might want to take a stroll on the floor.
2. Always maintain a distance of minimum of one meter. Otherwise, in case, if it jumps towards your side, you might die of heart attack. I was almost on the verge on one, and now I am more cautious.

Even after all these, she manages to get hold of you, God be with you. ☹
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