Few awesome steps of my life

I was thinking, chalo ye kaam bhi khatam!

These are not my steps, though! 

What next from here? IIM walo se to degree le hi li. Actually it is diploma, but it does not sound good in a sentence.

Imagine a sad 70s movie scene:

Hero (that will be me here :D): Maa, aaj teri tapasya aur aashirwad rang laayi, tera beta MBA ka imtihan paas ho gya…

Until now the mother is like a dancing leprechaun at the end of a rainbow with a pot of gold. (I know the line does not make any sense. But I got this line from Internet and I had to make use of it, so I thought- Why not here?)

Actually until this part of the sentence the mother’s face is lighting like a 400-watt bulb.

Hero: (continues…) ye dekh mera diploma !               

Suddenly there is darkness all around and a sound of loud slap.

Maa: c****ye, teri saari fees mein to 10 B.Sc., 20 B.Com 30 B.A. aur 100 Bihar University ki degreeya aa jati, aur tu laya sirf 'ek DIPLOMA'

Now again cut back to the 400 watt bulb phase:

Hero: (continues..) Maa ye dekh meri degree

Maa: Mere laal, aaj tune meri mamta ki laaj rakh li

Basically you got the point. So I continue with my monologue.

I never thought I would feel so elated on being a part of that monotonously long process with some really silly and useless steps. But here I was, beaming like a 2-year old child facing his first candy of life. When I think in retrospect, did I make the right choice by skipping my Engineering convocation? Aur wahan to puri degree mil rhi thi !

While in the current process there was a particular step where we had to bow down when the Chairman says “blah blah blah, some more blah blah blah... Ending with 'in words indeed' ”. Basically we had to ignore everything and care for “… in words indeed” and bow in unison at this very point. For this particular step, we (195 students, 1 PGP chair, 5 lazy PGP staff and a certain Mr. Malleri) practiced for exactly 47.67 times. A good idea but one that does not works.

Here are the few flaws in the process that are at the top of my mind right now. I am pretty sure there are many more.

1. What if chairman had a fight with his wife and he thinks of taking revenge on 195 innocent lives. So he repeats the phrase at the end of each sentence. Imagine the scene.
2.  What if he is in a very good mood and he thinks of have some fun.
3. What if the Director himself turns out to be the chairman? Well for IIMI people I don’t need to explain anything more. For others read this… And please don't imagine anything at this point. Khayal to tumhare honge, aur lagni humari hai.

There is more to share. But I guess this much rant should be enough for now.


P.S. : I have used a smiley in this post. Surprisingly Blogspot does not provide such a trivial thing in its features and I really had to work hard to include it in my post. So even if you don't value the post, atleast value this effort... :P :) ;) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D   

The story of a Bhaiya jee

To avoid ‘3 Idiot’ like controversy, I give full credit of the story to Sharma jee (the biggest BC’od I have come to know) and of course Akhilesh jee, without whose concerted effort this post would have never happened.

Akhilesh jee from Benaras, the city of IT-BHU has been a man of simple and humble mode of living. This is a true incident of his life…

AK was destined for greatness, so it was no surprise when he became the first one of his blocks to score in IIT-JEE exams. For obvious reasons his friends were in awe of him. On one fateful day, they all got an invitation from one of their friends, inviting them to his marriage.

Venue: Bhabua, (50 kilometers from Varanasi)

Well AK might have cleared JEE and all, but train travel was something he has never attempted. The same was true for all his other friends. Hence starts “Akhilesh ki pratham train yatra.”

Akhilesh ki pratham train yatra

The schedule time was 9:00 am. Well, AK might not have used Indian rail, but he sure knew how the system works. Never on time!

So, they arrive at the station a little late to compensate for the inefficiencies of railways. But the train’s starting station was Varanasi, and hence it left on time. Not one to lose hopes they went to Mughalsarai to catch another train. After a two hour wait, a passenger train arrives.

AK (to a person on the station): Bhaisahab ye train Bhabua jati hai kya?

Gentleman # 1: Jee haan!

AK chale apni sawari leke

So AK and his friends happily get on the train. They were waiting on the door when Bhabua station came. The train was travelling at a good speed, and to their surprise it did not stop at Bhabua.

AK (to another person on the train): Bhaisahab, hum to puch ke baite the, ki ye train Bhabua jaati hai kya, per ye to ruk hi nahi rahi…

Gentleman #2: Bhai, ye train Bhabua jaati to hai, per wahan rukti nahi hai.

As nothing was going right for them, so they decided against pulling the chain. People suggested them to get down at the next station from where they can get a return train.

After sometimes the train stopped at a small station. Not wasting a moment time, they all got down there. They enquired whether any train passes from there towards Bhabua and whether it will stop at Bhabua.

After sometimes a train came, and maintaining the same speed passed them without stopping.

AK (to the person who gave him info about the train): Bhaisahab, aapne to kahan tha yehan se Bhabua ke liye train pass hoti hai..

Gentleman # 3: Train to yeha se jaati hai per yehan nahi rutki.

By this time, AK-gang had enough of Indian railways and they decided to take a bus to Bhabua. They came out of the station and came to know that they can get a bus only at the next station which is 5 kms away. Seeing no way back and with no other option left, they travelled this 5 kms on foot only to realize that the last bus has left few mintues ago.

So they started asking for lift. Per ye zaalim duniya sirf advice de sakti hai, lift nahi… After an hour a truck agreed to drop them at a place Mohania (about 4 kms away from Bhabua). Once they reached Mohania, they hired an auto for Rs. 150 to Bhabua.

Is tarah se Akhilesh jee ki pehli train yatra samapt hui. Yehi soch rahe honge aap!!

Aisa hi kuch AK ne bhi socha tha… per picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

On reaching Mohania, they asked the auto-wala about the address of the wedding venue. They showed the marriage card to the auto wala.

AK (to auto-wala): Arey Bhaiya, ye card per jo address likha hai, aapko pata hai kaha per hai..

Auto-wala (looking at them with total amazement): Arey Bhaiya, ye address to Mohania ka hai, jehan se aapne auto thik kia tha, aapko pehle puchna tha.

Even after all this, AK was not the one to lose faith on God. Again with some jugaad they finally reached the wedding venue. Like it was the last thing before their life ends, all of them attacked the food items. They ate like elephants and drank like camels. After some dance and celebrations they decided to congratulate the friend, whose marriage they were attending.

AK (to another person in the wedding): Bhaisahab, Kisna kahan hai?

Gentleman # 4: Kaun Kisna!

AK: arey kamal karte hai, jiski shadi hai…

Gentleman # 4: arey kamal aap kar rhe hai, shadi to Birju ki hai, aur aap log kaun hai?

AK equipped with his JEE brain suddenly realized his mistake and asked his friends to furtively leave the scene.

After another half-hour search they finally located their friend's wedding venue, wished him and went to sleep.

In the morning while leaving for Benaras, they decided that to avenge all that has happened to them, they wont buy tickets and make railway pay for them.

Currently they are standing in front of a T.T. at Mughalsarai station, asking him to forgive them. 

The story of a dude, the tale of a loser

Ek Rahe Dude, Ek Rahe Loser

Disclaimer: This is the real story of a dude and I have not made up any of the parts. To be honest some of the incidents are so hilarious that if I could really write such funny stuff then I would be calling Rohit Shetty for his next script. 

Incident 1

Dude is very happy. His vacations are starting on 4^th of a random month and ending on the 8^th of same random month. He is studying in an engineering college of New Delhi and his hometown is 'somewhere in UP'. What is there to laugh? Well he books a ticket from 'somewhere in UP' to Delhi for 4^th and a return ticket from Delhi to 'somewhere in UP' for 8^th. 

What! You said, you did not get the joke. Now I am laughing at you also.

Incident 2

Dude is pursuing some higher study degree in some other college now. Dude has taken some electives because of which his exams gets over on 12^th of April (year irrelevant). But because of his foresight he had his tickets booked for 14^th April. So he waits for two extra days, listening to all the jibes of his friends who had their exams ending on 14^th. When he is leaving for station on 14^th he checks his ticket to find that he had originally booked the tickets for 12^th only. He conveniently forgot this fact and somehow an angel (devil) in his dreams told him that he has booked his ticket for 14^th. 

Incident 3

Dude's Motto in Life: Chalo Dilli

Dude again plans in advance for New Delhi, this time not repeating mistake number one and two. So he books the ticket not mixing the return dates and marks the ticket date on every possible corner of his room. On the D-day (February 22, 2011), he leaves for the station. After nearly an hour or so, 'the Loser' gets a call from the Dude.

Dude: Oye, kal ERP ka end term hai kya?

Loser: Yes, why!

Dude: Yaar, maine ERP lia hai.

Loser: What! Then why are you going to Delhi?

Dude: I was so concerned about getting the tickets, train and station right that I forgot to check the schedule for classes…

Loser: hahaha…!!! (cellphones drops from his hand) he is rotfl, well not f but b(bed).

So the dude comes back to the hostel and checks the schedule just to be sure.

What are you thinking?

It is not over yet.

Our dude finds out that in addition to the ERP he also has his SMIT end-term a day later.

Meanwhile Loser is thinking, if he saved the Dude from getting forked in two of his papers than how come he is Loser and Dude is dude. Slowly, he resigns to the fact that the world operates in this way only.