Another snoring Debacle

I was returning from somewhere, I don’t remember exactly. I was going somewhere; that also I don’t remember exactly.

I was arranging my berth, and was pretty surprised when at the next station two IIM Indore guys from my batch boarded the train. It was a nice surprise as I thought at least I won’t get bore for the remaining journey. I got down the train to get some water.

The tap was at a little distance from my coach, near the rear end of the train. I was filling the bottle when I turned around to see the train leaving. I rushed towards the train but it suddenly started racing away.

I thought this can’t be happening to me in reality!

I have dreamt this very dream a number of times. In my dreams I am never able to catch the train. But then I conjured up my thoughts and realized it is “reality” not dreams and I must catch the train. So I started running really hard. There was one weird kind of coach, unseen before. I thought, how it matters, as long as I am able to catch the train.

I grabbed the grill attached to the coach and boarded the coach. To my surprise, the whole coach was filled with people from IIM Indore. I knew their faces only and did not know anyone personally so I stood in a corner. To my utter surprise the train entered the IIM Indore campus and suddenly it turned into a bus.

This was the point I realized (and I hope you ‘my readers’, also realize)”

S*** man! It is another of those dreams where I get down the train to get something and am unable to catch the speeding away train.

Actually there were a number of pointers in my dream, to point out that it was a dream. First of all I never drink tap water from stations. Second, when I could not remember the origin and destination stations of my journey. And lastly when I felt happy on seeing two guys from IIM Indore, none of whom I really liked.

And when I wake up, guess where I am? Travelling in a sleeper coach of a train, heading to god knows where!

That SoB

I am sleeping peacefully, and this time it is real. This is the point where I am woken up by a loud snoring noise.  

All those who know me, will be happy to know that this Goliath (my sleep) has finally found its David (snoring noise). Someone who can sleep through earthquakes and volcanic eruptions can’t stand the snoring noise.

So here I was!

First I tried to ignore it, then I laughed at it, then finally I decided to fight it. By the time I made this decision it has already been an hour of my ordeal. I remembered from somewhere that if you poke a snoring person, he will change his sleeping position, which will stop the snoring noise.

So I decided to give it a try. I poked the snoring bastard’s hand. Nothing happened. I again thought of giving it a try and poked again. Suddenly the Snoring old bastard (SoB) wakes up and sits up.

Now whoever told me that poking a snoring person solves the problem did not tell me what to do when the person wakes up due to your poking. So I was on my own.

SoB: (in total bewilderment) !!!!

Me: (trying to make the most pleasant face, which I later realized is not that pleasant at all) Uncle, aapke kharraton (snoring) se so nahi paa rha hoon.

I was expecting a bit apologetic tone from that SoB.

SoB: To kaa karein, baithe rahe (in a really famous tone, associated with the greatest state of this country)

His tone really charged me up now. At first place, I could not sleep for the past one hour due to that SoB, and the least I expected was some empathy. Instead came the pat reply as if he was committing some favour to the humanity by snoring like a giant pig.

Me: karna kya hai!!? Kharatein mat lo...

SoB: Kharatein nahi le, aise hi nahi le kya jee..bataiye kya karein (by this time he was again readying himself to go to sleep).

Me: Ilaaz karwa lijiye aur kya...

SoB: kahan hota hai ilaaz bataiye to jara?

Me: subah bata dunga (and I went back to sleep)

But not before I tied my handkerchief around my ears.

To be honest, I don’t care how you stop your snoring, Go and slit your throat, cut open your nose or stop breathing. I really don’t care. What I do care about is, please don’t snore in railway coaches.