My encounter with the Big Boss

Yes! I admit it.

I was eagerly waiting for the Big Boss episode to be aired on November 21, 2011. And for obvious reasons, I would say. I am not a fan of reality shows, especially not of Big Boss. But then the producers pulled a gem of a trick and enticed even an audience like me to their show.

I checked the website about the timings and then waited eagerly for the clock to strike 22:30. I switched to the channel Colors.

To my dismay I had to endure the chitter-chatter of contestants, whom I hardly recognized. I knew the name of some of the contestants but it was hard to put a name to the faces. I have been reading about certain Miss Pooja Mishra and her antics. But I could find her in the crowd. The chats were more annoying because I did not know about the history of some of the fights and the kind of equations people share with each other. But then I thought in my mind that this was all a passing drama to the main attraction.

And suddenly the music started playing 'Chalia, Chalia, Chalia' song from Tashan. I had already read in the news about the style of her entry, so I knew that was it. Being isolated from the whole world can really do funny stuff to people, even to celebrities. So here they were watching the Palki carrying our star as if this is the first time they are seeing something like this.

It reminded me of my childhood days. Our home was situated near a railway crossing. Remember those were the days of FB-negative, iPad-negative and mostly electricity-negative. So every time a train passed from the tracks, we would run near the track and line up just to watch the train pass.

Haha! I am not making this up. It is the truth.

Ok, cut back to the Big Boss house.

Now I am really thinking about the male contestants here. Do they recognize her or feign ignorance about her.  Obviously they must know her. But quite simply they have a girlfriend or a wife to return to. And if they recognize her then back home they will have explaining to do.

So our boys did the smart thing. As soon as she stepped out of the ‘Palki’ carrying her, all three male contestants went into a corner and started discussing something. So the fort was left open to the female contestants. Now I am not sure how many of them actually knew her. From the look on their faces, nobody recognized her. Obviously how can you recognize her by looking at her face! If you get, what I mean to say.. :P

One female contestant: Who are you? (obviously in a polite manner)

Our guest of Honor: I am Sunny Leonne.

This was the time I came to know that her second name is pronounced as Leo+ nay.

Another female contestant: What do you do?

SL: (slightly taken aback)- actor

Ah! Why would you do that? I thought. I accept you the way you are. And this is the answer you came out with.

Meanwhile SL: (continuing)- I do modelling and stuff...

Me: (thinking) what are the brands that she can endorse? Can’t think of any right now.

She is taken inside. We are shown another footage with some time already passed.

Another female contestant: (without taking her eyes of SL's face and trying really hard to recognize her) I have seen you somewhere. Where have I seen you? Or, rather where should have I seen you?

SL: (seriously produces a gem of an answer)- Google

Oh! I like you ingenuity. Now that is one answer that is totally true. You just have to key in the right keywords. :D

Pooja Bedi: (yes, I do recognize her. She is the bitch who ditched Aamir Khan and chose Deepak Tijoriwala)- So why did they chose you. I mean, how did they contact you?

SL: maybe, they have seen me on internet.

Again, a classic answer! Can’t deny it!

Till evening, it was all normal and it was actually refreshing to see her in Indian attire. As for the next episode, well I am not too excited for that. This was it for me. I just wanted to see how she will behave fully clothed in an Indian setup. And I must admit that I was not at all disappointed. 

My airtel customer care story

November 17, 2011 (Time 6:30 pm)

Scene 1: My friend comes into my room and says that he can’t connect to my phone. I check my phone, and find that the postpaid sim I am using is displaying a “Invalid Sim” message where it previously said “airtel”.

Act 1: I take my friend’s post paid airtel connection and dial 121- the customer care number.

Irritating Computer Voice (ICV): For Hindi press 1, for Chattisgarhi press 2, for English press 3.

I press 3. So far so good!

ICV: Please enter your ten digit mobile number.

I enter my mobile number.

The computerized voice says, “You have exceeded your input limit, we are connecting you to our Customer care rep (CCR)”.

What the hell! It was you who asked me to enter the 10 digit mobile number. But I don’t care because they are connecting me to the CCR.

CCR: Namaskar, mera naam Lokesh hai

Me: (slightly surprised on the Hindi introduction as I chose option ‘3’ for English).

Well, I don’t have any problem with Hindi conversation, but why the hell then provide the option to choose the language at the first place, if it does not matter to airtel.

Me: Mera naam so and so hai aur mera number hai ......

 After these customary introductions I tell him my problem that my postpaid sim is not working. It stopped working suddenly without any warning.

CCR: Sir, aap hamare bahumulya customer h (or something similar shit)... aapke number se lag rha hai ki ye ek postpaid number hai.

Me: (thinking in my head) - Thank you, Einstein for reminding me.

Yes, says me.

CCR:Sir, again that random shit about me being their bahumulya customer... hum yeha per aapki koi madad nhi kar payenge. This is the prepaid CC. Please contact our post paid CC centre.

Me: !!!

Now I realize language option should have been least of my concern. These geniuses have the intelligence to separate pre-paid from post-paid CC. But not the intelligence to direct me to post paid CC when I am calling from a post paid number.

Well I just wanted my number to be activated, so I told him that I am calling from a post paid number then why the hell is my call connecting to a pre paid CC.

He again says the random shit about me being Bahumulya Customer and airtel being sorry for the inconvenience. None of which really matters to me really.

He provides me the number to post paid customer care- 9893012345. He informs me that it is again a toll free number like 121. He also takes the liberty to inform me that any call made at 121 will be redirected to the pre-paid CCR.

Act2: I disconnect the call, and dial 9893012345.

Well, well, well! What do we have here?

The computerized voice informs me in Chattisgarhi language: The number you have dialled does not exist. Please check the number and dial again.

Me: WTF! Your moronic lady behind that recorded computer voice. Do you realize it is your CCR that gave me that number?

I have to get my number activated, I realized. So again I decide to dial 121.

ICV: For Hindi press 1, for Chattisgarhi press 2, for English press 3

I press ‘3’, realizing the futility of the operation. But language is really not my concern at the moment.

The irritating Computer Voice (ICV): You have not chosen any option, please choose your option or wait for us to repeat.

Me: (checks on the screen if I pressed the option or not. Then I thought maybe the Blackberry costing nearly 21k might be malfunctioning and this moronic ICV is right.)

I again press 3.

ICV: You have not chosen any option, please choose your option or wait for us to repeat.

I again press 3.

ICV: (after some moments) - For Hindi press 1, for Chattisgarhi press 2, for English press 3

I again curse the useless 21k BB and press 3.

ICV: You have not chosen any option; please press your 10 digit mobile number.

Me: (thinking, what a useless handset, entered the 10 digit mobile number)

ICV: Thank you for calling Airtel, some random shit about me being important to Airtel.

Call Disconnects!!

Me: What just happened?

Act 4: I again call 121, expecting a request to choose the language option.

 I could not have been more wrong.

ICV: Thank you for calling Airtel, some random shit about me being important to Airtel.

Call Disconnects!!

Me: What! Please don’t take away the fun of choosing a language option from me. I really like to pass my time by calling the moronic Airtel CC.

Act 5: I Dial 121, expecting anything now.

I was expecting something new this time. Again I could not have been more wrong.  

ICV: Thank you for calling Airtel, some random shit about me being important to Airtel.

Call Disconnects!!

Act 6: repeat of Act 5. Only this time I was ready to be surprised.

Act 7: Repeat of Act 6 and Act 5.

.

.

.

Act n: Still trying to connect

Now I realize. What a moron I am. Calling CCR is for illiterate fools who don’t know to use the internet. The internet is all very powerful.

So I enter www.airtel.in

Click on the contact tab.

What do I find here!

Incase you are calling from airtel mobile, please contact us on 121.

Me: ____________________________________________ (it is the state of my mind right now)

I am not ready to give up yet now.

I turn to twitter. Search for Airtel and find the airtel official twitter page. There I see some tweets from airtel apologizing to some of its customer for the inconvenience and informing them of the next plan of action.

I feel happy. Oh! So the Airtel guys respond on twitter.

I send two tweets to them about my situation.

Not to take things lying down. I switch to FB. Find Airtel page.

There were so many unhappy customers on this page, I really felt sorry for Airtel and thought against saying anything on this page.

...

...

...

Instead of waiting I thought of writing this blog

For general information purpose, my sim is still not working. As for the grammar and sentence formation, please excuse me. As the things that come straight out of the heart don’t follow the boundaries set by the rules of grammar. What’s important are my emotions and my non functional Sim.

Airtel, please help me.

And as I was about to post this blog, I get a tweet from Airtel that says, “Hi, Our apologies for the unpleasant experience.please allow us some time to arrange a call back for you.Thanks”

I replied: “how will you call back, u didnt ask for my number!!”

I again got a tweet from Airtel this time asking me to DM (direct message) my contact details. For twitter illiterate people DM is sending a private message that will be visible to only the intended recipients as opposed to the general tweet.

Again a tweet from Airtel: “Thanks for sharing ur contact details, will arrange a call back for u.”

Well so far I am satisfied, apart from my non-functioning Sim card.

In the meanwhile if my issue is resolved I will get blog it back. 


Novermber 18, 2011 (3:30 pm)
Still waiting for Airtel to call me back. Meanwhile I have sent another twitter to twitter reminding them of their commitment. 


November 18, 2011 (6:00 pm)
I have mixed feelings. Got a call from Airtel, so I am happy, but there is some problem with my Sim card from my end. So I am unhappy. 
But atleast I was able to contact Airtel CCR and ask about my problems. Nothing beat that feeling... :D 

My crossroad

Everybody faces a cross road. It is like I have reached my own.

I don’t know if the whole world conspiring to get you your wish is true or not, but it seems like I am in the middle of one such conspiracy by the universe.

When I was a child my worst nightmare was following the lifestyle of my parents or my sister or everybody around me. It is another matter that at that point of time I thought I will make much more money than all of them and hence my life would be different.

It seems like I was right about one thing but not the other. I still fear treading the same lifestyle and yet here I am, doing exactly everything in the same manner albeit in a better environment. I am making a little more money but that is not calming me.But it is not through money I want to make my life different but it is by following my passion. My dream of seeing the whole world. 

I am slowly realizing that it is not money that I want but financial security is what I am looking for. Not for my family not for my kids (yet to be born) or for my future married life. I just want some financial security so that I can follow my passion.

Each day in the job is getting more and more routine. To be honest, there is nothing wrong in the job profile, nothing wrong with the organization I am working for. The company is taking really good care of me. It is just that it is forcing me to become another brick in the wall.

What if this is the only life I have got, what if my karma does not allow me to be reborn as a human being again. Will I rue the change that I have missed? There is so much to see and so much to do and I am wasting my time here. It is sounding like another maniacal blabber to me, but this time I am not going to give up. I am actually looking for options. I am not looking for options to get a better job, for me at this point of time every job is the same. Every job is taking me a day away from my true reckoning.

I regret the days I wasted pursuing education. Why did I have to join a job at all? Why couldn’t the people around me motivate enough and give me courage to leave everything and give the things I love a try atleast once.

Every passing moment I am making the decision. Should I leave the job, should I leave everyone I know behind? Because they are the one tying me down, not with their emotional love or bonding, I am too mature to get tied down by it. But with their idiotic logic that I have to earn some money, pay off my loan, fulfil their dreams, build a house one can live in, buy a car, get married, etc. But in all these don’t I get the right to become selfish?

Some might laugh at the idea but I feel that the places around the world are waiting for me. They are calling for me. And in all these I don’t want to take a companion with me. It will perhaps spoil the relationship of the places with me.

Why can’t I fly like Christopher McCandless? 

Another snoring Debacle

I was returning from somewhere, I don’t remember exactly. I was going somewhere; that also I don’t remember exactly.

I was arranging my berth, and was pretty surprised when at the next station two IIM Indore guys from my batch boarded the train. It was a nice surprise as I thought at least I won’t get bore for the remaining journey. I got down the train to get some water.

The tap was at a little distance from my coach, near the rear end of the train. I was filling the bottle when I turned around to see the train leaving. I rushed towards the train but it suddenly started racing away.

I thought this can’t be happening to me in reality!

I have dreamt this very dream a number of times. In my dreams I am never able to catch the train. But then I conjured up my thoughts and realized it is “reality” not dreams and I must catch the train. So I started running really hard. There was one weird kind of coach, unseen before. I thought, how it matters, as long as I am able to catch the train.

I grabbed the grill attached to the coach and boarded the coach. To my surprise, the whole coach was filled with people from IIM Indore. I knew their faces only and did not know anyone personally so I stood in a corner. To my utter surprise the train entered the IIM Indore campus and suddenly it turned into a bus.

This was the point I realized (and I hope you ‘my readers’, also realize)”

S*** man! It is another of those dreams where I get down the train to get something and am unable to catch the speeding away train.

Actually there were a number of pointers in my dream, to point out that it was a dream. First of all I never drink tap water from stations. Second, when I could not remember the origin and destination stations of my journey. And lastly when I felt happy on seeing two guys from IIM Indore, none of whom I really liked.

And when I wake up, guess where I am? Travelling in a sleeper coach of a train, heading to god knows where!

That SoB

I am sleeping peacefully, and this time it is real. This is the point where I am woken up by a loud snoring noise.  

All those who know me, will be happy to know that this Goliath (my sleep) has finally found its David (snoring noise). Someone who can sleep through earthquakes and volcanic eruptions can’t stand the snoring noise.

So here I was!

First I tried to ignore it, then I laughed at it, then finally I decided to fight it. By the time I made this decision it has already been an hour of my ordeal. I remembered from somewhere that if you poke a snoring person, he will change his sleeping position, which will stop the snoring noise.

So I decided to give it a try. I poked the snoring bastard’s hand. Nothing happened. I again thought of giving it a try and poked again. Suddenly the Snoring old bastard (SoB) wakes up and sits up.

Now whoever told me that poking a snoring person solves the problem did not tell me what to do when the person wakes up due to your poking. So I was on my own.

SoB: (in total bewilderment) !!!!

Me: (trying to make the most pleasant face, which I later realized is not that pleasant at all) Uncle, aapke kharraton (snoring) se so nahi paa rha hoon.

I was expecting a bit apologetic tone from that SoB.

SoB: To kaa karein, baithe rahe (in a really famous tone, associated with the greatest state of this country)

His tone really charged me up now. At first place, I could not sleep for the past one hour due to that SoB, and the least I expected was some empathy. Instead came the pat reply as if he was committing some favour to the humanity by snoring like a giant pig.

Me: karna kya hai!!? Kharatein mat lo...

SoB: Kharatein nahi le, aise hi nahi le kya jee..bataiye kya karein (by this time he was again readying himself to go to sleep).

Me: Ilaaz karwa lijiye aur kya...

SoB: kahan hota hai ilaaz bataiye to jara?

Me: subah bata dunga (and I went back to sleep)

But not before I tied my handkerchief around my ears.

To be honest, I don’t care how you stop your snoring, Go and slit your throat, cut open your nose or stop breathing. I really don’t care. What I do care about is, please don’t snore in railway coaches. 

KBC's contestants

Is it just me or everybody is noticing the same pattern?

Every person who is coming to KBC is the most grief-stricken person in the world. Of course, the term ‘the most’ is used in an emphasizing tone. As not everyone can fall into the superlative degree category, and some will be lesser grief stricken than the others. (Ah! Again my intelligence)

Take this example: “I am very happy after winning so and so amount. Now I can get my sister married, build a house, get my father operated, relieve my neighbour of his duties of f***ing my own wife, bite my cat and eat my dog.”

Oh, come on! Have you heard of an actor called Mithun Da and his genre of movies? Even his characters are happier than you, until he drags villains out of their dens situated near the station and kills them in the airport.

I only watched the first season of KBC during the good old days, when KBC was only about sheer intelligence and money. I have not seen the intervening seasons so I can’t comment on those. This season has another dimension –emotions.

As if Ekta Kapoor was not performing her duties. First I thought that it is the feature of the first episode only. Since it was aired on Indian Independence Day (August 15) and the program wants to salute some really brave Indians. We were shown a montage of the struggle all the contestants have endured to sustain their life and reach the platform of KBC. Still in some of the stories I couldn’t find anything heart whelming. Fearing that I am too insensitive, I cursed myself and tried to empathise with the non-existent struggles of most of the people.

Then another episode aired the next day, and then another, and then another. And guess what! I was right the first time round.

But all this got me thinking. Are the struggle stories of all the famous people fake? Now I would like to think so.

Take for instance, our dear Kapil Sibbal. He once came to Mr. Alter’s college to give a speech. (I hope you people have not forgotten Dear Mr. Alter)

Kapil Sibbal: I come from a really humble upbringing, with very little means and paucity of resources.

The truth: His father was a Barrister during the British Raj.

And when I think of it, I am pretty sure that Richard Branson is not at all dyslexic and he made it up to garner some sympathy for his achievements.

Jindal Diary- Random rant of a restless rider

Thursday, being middle of the week should be a busy day for me. But when I woke up this morning I had the same goddamn question to answer. 

Now what!

The past few days have been the same for me. Not to know what to do next, So I plan impromptu. It is another matter than even long-term planning would yield the same result. Well so I freshened up, missed the breakfast (as always) and then the unending quest.

Should I or shouldn’t I go to office. In the end it was decided.

I am surfing through the channels. Nothing interesting is coming up. Out of desperation I try watching some random ‘Ekta Kapoor' style shit. I thought that maybe I have grown so bored of the nit picks of life that I might enjoy them. Turns out, it was not meant to be. I still can’t take this shit for more than 30 seconds.

So next I turn to my saviour for the past 3 months- MTV and its “Lava Break-free music from 8 am to 12 pm.” The paradox here is that they are taking a break in the program to tell that the program is break-free. Doesn’t the break itself somehow disown the claim of the break? Oh God! I am fed up of my intelligence. Being a born genius has also its disadvantages. I am realizing in these difficult hours.

To move back to the point, I don’t really enjoy the show anymore. It has the same songs that I have been hearing for the past 3 decades (or so long it seems) running over and over again. What fixation does the MTV have with the movie Speedy Singhs? It was a boring; utterly crap movie and that too about Sardars. Like the world really doesn’t already know about them. And to top it all the movie comes up with a really innovative topic of Sardars in Canada.

Wah, wah! Kya baat hai. I salute their ingenuity.

Hmm!

Aur Dil mein tha bas ek sawal!

“Have I made it large?”

Arey nahi bhai ye nahi tha original sawal. Asli sawal hai ki aaj kya karein mere yaar?

So here I am, to run away from my boredom I have come to office.

I like to think of the process as that of nation building or as they say, ‘Bharat Nirman’. So here I am googling topics on how to survive a lazy Sunday (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday)

Bye the way the term 'rider' in the heading of the blog has nothing to do with my intelligence. I am not trying to imply any deeper meaning or hidden philosophies of my life. So just move on and read it just like that. I have grown too lazy to even think of a suitable heading and have scribbled the first word that came to my mind. 

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening ~ Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


Why does it feel like these lines are speaking to me! It feels like the story of my life. How can some one be so simple yet so subtle...