Jindal Diary- Some random incidents

JPL is organizing a 5-day event, from October 2, 2011 to October 6, 2011 on the eve of Durga Puja. It is really great for people like me, who belong to the eastern part of India and for whom DP is a really big affair. In the school days, I would look forward to DP holidays as it will mean the onset of a number of festivals including, Diwali, Govardhan Puja, Bhai Duj and finally culminating in Chath.

The mega-festival week as it is called in JPL has one event or the other every day. Last night it was Garbha performance by a group of students whose lead is an attractive girl from IIT Delhi. Supposedly she was also a participant in ‘Voice of India’. Now that is something I really admire- following your passion.

But the next day some really funny conversation happened. Actually it can be thought provoking for someone, depending upon how much intellectually challenged they are. As I belong to the highest breed so it was only funny for me and nothing else. Again the incident involved our own Alter. Mr. Alter also works with the CSR department of the company apart from threatening government employees like railway TT and GRP. The CSR team has another employee called Mr. Dhakkan. A mention of his qualification is really necessary here for the argument that follows. Mr. Dhakkan is some Masters in some degree and he is planning to pursue an MBA.

Dhakkan to Alter: Arey Sir, kal ka Grabha program dekhe bada maja aaya

Alter: arey haan, maine bhi suna, but I was not able to go, had some work (actually lazing around was his work)

Dhakkan: aur bahar se nachne wali ladkiya bhi bulayi thi company ne

Alter: ya, I know. Actually they are from IIT Delhi

D (slightly puzzled): IIT! Kya keh rhe hai sir, IIT walo ko ye sab karne ki kya jarurat hai?

A: %%%&&&$$$****@@ !!! ??? (Speechless and totally confused as to how to respond)

D: sir wo nachne wali kyu ban gyi, kya hua unhe.

A: (regaining some of his sanity), arey wo nachne wali nahi hai, they perform on stage, because it is her... (He thought of mentioning the word ‘passion’ but then decided it is best not to mention such useless terms in this highly inspirational talk)

D: Sir, job nahi lagi thi kya IIT se, so naach gaa ke paise kamane padte hai?

A: (losing his wits now)- arey Dhakkan jee, main to aapko padha likha samajhta tha, aapse aisi umeed nahi thi

D: (not to give away that easily, replies with a fairly straight face), Sir, humein bhi IIT walo se aisi umeed nahi thi...

--- END of DISCUSSION—

Actually how can you counter such well laid argument!

Incident No 2

It happened on that historic train trip from Raigarh to Ranchi. We are standing near the gate. The toilet is nearby and I observed that people coming out from one bathroom are going to the next bathroom slightly troubled. After a few moments I realized that the tank has no water.

Hahaha...!!! How are they managing...? (You know what I mean to say)

I saw a dude standing outside the bathroom. And as you Mr. Alter by now, he starts a conversation with him. The Dude is working in Chennai in textile industry and has come to Ranchi for his DP holidays. During conversation Dude reveals that he is waiting to use the restroom. Being a Good Samaritan, our Alter is, he informs the dude that the facility has no water. Alter then goes inside the boggy to arrange for some seat. In the meanwhile a bathroom gate opens and dude can’t control it enough, so he decides to use the facility anyways. I am still standing outside.

After a few moments, the gate opens, dude holding his trousers from falling down, says in a slightly irritated tone- “Paani aa to raha hai jee.”

And I thought, look at the charitable instinct of the dude, even in this hour of urgency he is thinking of the world around him. He comes out of his rest period to inform the world at large that the water has been filled in the tank.

Long live such unselfish souls.

RESPECT!

And I have become too emotional to write any further for now. 

Why I miss my own love story

I was reading the book – 2 States- by Chetan Bhagat. Really a nice read!

The good thing is that it captures the stereotypes of the North-South divide in a really funny manner, yet it never wavers away from the facts. Many a time I will be reading a certain piece of para and I realized, “arey bhai ye to mere saath bhi ho chukka hai.”

The Tam-Brahm dude I was talking to last week was behaving in the same manner as mentioned in this novel. Or the Punjabi Aunty I met last Sunday was exactly the same as the Bobby Aunty of the novel.

This post of mine is neither a review of the novel; neither is it a lecture on perfect Indian behaviour. The simple fact is; after reading this novel, I am starting to miss my own love story.

Don’t be startled! First hear my side of the story.

“Yaar badi plain and simple bita di. Kabhie gharwalo ko koi tension hi nahi di...” :P 

It would have been really nice, if I took a South Indian girl to my mother and said, “ye le maa teri hone wali bahu.”

Just imagining her next expression is giving me fits of laughter. And add to that my other relatives, my millions of nose-poking uncles and aunties and their zillions of offspring – who will henceforth be known as my cousins.

You might call me a sadist bastard; yes that is what I am. And I really don’t care about the snoot society. I enjoy the misery of people around me. And so does everybody else. Do you really believe that your friend care for you when he enquires about your recent breakup. Or your uncle and aunty really are worried for you when they console you during your period of unemployment. Feasting on other people misery has been the favourite past time of everyone. And I am pretty sure that jealousy was the first emotion humans experienced, much before love or hate. So yes I am a sadist bastard.

It all started with my cousin getting married to a non-Marwari girl. Nothing special about it or so I thought. Then suddenly I realized the growing concern of everyone around me to teach me about values, traditions, demerits of love marriage, problems of inter-caste relationships, etcetera, etcetera!

It didn’t help the matter that the idiot cousin has been the closest to what I call a friend since childhood. We practically discuss every small matter between us.

The scene became so comical that now only you have to say my name and a girl’s name in one complete sentence together. It was enough to get everyone charged up and come rushing to me.

You might think, “I would be pissed off at all this scepticism and mistrust.” On the contrary I was enjoying all this. To make the matter spicier I would add some random names to the discussion as if I spelt the name by mistake.

Aah! Those were the golden days.

“Per abhi kuch nahi hai naa yaar, gharwalo ko pareshan karne ko...”

That is why I thought, “how about an original tale instead of all the fake rumours.” And not just any tale, but a proper filmy one complete with the north-south divide. I am ready to throw in the rich-poor divide as well. But the problem is with my IIM salary, I am left neither rich nor poor. So I have to forgo this twist.

In all this thoughts I really pity my friends who had a love relationship and were married happily and effortlessly. Do you really know what you missed?

Yaar thoda struggle karte, ghar wale nahi mante, thoda tum unhe manate, thoda wo tumhe samjhate, is beech ladki ki shaadi kahi aur fix ho jati, tab to life mein twist aata.

Jindal Diary- Trip to Ranchi and Dhanbad

After a long time I used Indian railways so extensively. Somehow I thought I won’t be able to do this kind of travel anymore. But as Sunny Deol said in his iconic movie JEET, “In haathon ne hathyaar sirf chode hai, chalana nahi bhule hai”, I guess the same applies to me as well.

I might have left the ticketless kind of travel but I have not forgotten the charm of travelling without any pre-planning.

Thankfully, I did not have to travel like this

Mr. Alter was going to his place – Ranchi, to meet his father. Just like that he asked whether I would like to join him to a trip to Ranchi. The day has been pretty tiring one with the workshop on “Goal setting”. (For a change I was organizing the workshop and not attending the workshop as a participant.  More on this in a separate blog) But still I couldn’t resist the temptation to go out and explore a new city. I agreed and decided to call Mr. Dude and asked him whether he would like to join. He readily agreed.

The time was 8:00 pm and we had to leave by 8:30 pm. Dude will be picked on the way. We reached Raigarh station, took a general ticket and boarded the Sleeper coach of a train. As soon as the train left the station two Thulla came and enquired about our ticket. I usually get really scared of such scene and I was prepared to shell out some money to them. But what followed next is beyond my imagination.

Thulla no 1: (he later turned out to be an ex-military jawan) - “This is not a valid ticket. Pay the fine.”

He along with the other one first tries to get some money from us. In a few moments a heated argument ensued between the two Thulla and Mr. Alter.

By this time I had totally submitted myself to the leadership of Alter. 

I don’t know how he did it or what he said. But after five minutes the senior of Thulla 1 was chatting with Alter in a slightly apologetic tone, as if the GRP personnel and the Ticket checker have committed some mistakes by asking us for our ticket. During the discussion only Alter had to do was to pronounce their names 2-3 times, throw in terms like Baroda house in New Delhi, honour, dignity and blah blah blah. I was there but if you ask me to repeat the process, I will go blank. It is only the genius of Alter and only he can do that.

Not with my polished MBA degree and rustic small town upbringing can I achieve this feat. What followed next was even more hysterical. After few moments Alter and the senior GRP were talking about their families, how GRP senior is not very happy with his future prospects, where his father resides currently, blah blah blah.

Is it really happening I was thinking? And in all these I don’t know what scared the TT but he was not ready to be in our vicinity for more than 15 seconds. As if by being in the presence of our existence, he will evaporate. 

At the end of all, what does our Alter says, “This is why I like travelling without planning and reservation. Bada maza aata hai ye sab karne mein. Dekha kitna achcha time pass ho gaya.”

This was the time I decide “Bhai ye aadmi to ekdum ALTER hai.”

We reached Ranchi the next morning after changing one more train. In the next train as well a group of TT tried to attack us. But by this time I have grown confident of Alter’s leadership skills. And I was not to be proved wrong. The same fate followed this group as well. They left us without any money in their pocket.

After a day’s stay at Ranchi, I decided to visit my place – Dhanbad. I took Dude with me. There is no tourist place in Dhanbad, but there is something there that I guess no other place in the country can offer- fire coming out from the underground mines and can be seen from the cracks. Surprisingly people living in the vicinity are not bothered a bit about it.

It was time to bid goodbye to Dhanbad and back to Ranchi where we will meet Alter and take a train back to Raigarh. Alter had one more arrow in his armour to impress us.

Bhai khana bada shandar banata hai.

I thought, “ kash ladki hota to propose kar deta... J”

We took a train back to Rourkela, then to Jharsuguda, to Raigarh then a auto to Ghadi Chawk and finally a bus back to Tamnar- meri Karm Bhumi. At the end of all these I realize... well I realize nothing!

Every story does not need to have a morale! Aise hi time pass ke liye bhi to likh sakte hai naa story, yaar.

Till then I am waiting for my next trip. 

Lost in Wilderness - Jindal Diary

Time follows its own pace here

It has got its own reckoning

No bottles to empty here,

No cans to gauge the night remaining

Gone are the people around

And gone are the days

Lost in this wilderness - the feelings,

Misty like a haze

­

Is it a reality, or just the numbness of my effort?

Or is it just the life gone by, structured like a cohort

Thoughts have abandoned me

Thoughts!

For they never abandoned me before

Clearly it is something, something that I abhor

Is it something trivial or some kind of mental maze?

Is it something real or some kind of tricky cage?

Confused, I am!

For thoughts were my companion

Never had they showed any resistance

Never had they left me in a canyon

They are ONE purpose I don’t like to lose

Wild they may be, but they helped me cruise

Is it the travail of my destiny?

Or probably an insignificant mutiny

My rational brain looks for reasons

Reasons!

The tools of intelligentsia or the shield of defeated

Hard to fathom upon, the uncertainty is better not repeated

But reasons it is my friend, I have to find,

Not for the life that has passed by me,

But probably, maybe, the life not yet passed by me

In my predicament, as I pass down the rows of trees

It becomes hard to imagine

Whether it is the lane of reality or boulevard of my dreams

Travesty of a confused soul, parade of a clear mind

I am alone and it is not just me, we are alone

It is hard to imagine the difference, they seem like a clone

Whom to believe

The clichéd reality or the powdery illusion

What is dearer to me now?

Slowly it is becoming like dreams, you can’t stop dreams

And suddenly in dreams you are capable of everything

A committed dealing or just a casual fling

Then I realize, I might just being theatrical

Lost in this wilderness, I act whimsical

How can I be lost, when there is entire civilization

I cannot be gloomy, and I realize it is just my fixation

But again as I pass down the rows of trees

It becomes hard to imagine

Whether it is the lane of reality or boulevard of my dreams

Few awesome steps of my life

I was thinking, chalo ye kaam bhi khatam!

These are not my steps, though! 

What next from here? IIM walo se to degree le hi li. Actually it is diploma, but it does not sound good in a sentence.

Imagine a sad 70s movie scene:

Hero (that will be me here :D): Maa, aaj teri tapasya aur aashirwad rang laayi, tera beta MBA ka imtihan paas ho gya…

Until now the mother is like a dancing leprechaun at the end of a rainbow with a pot of gold. (I know the line does not make any sense. But I got this line from Internet and I had to make use of it, so I thought- Why not here?)

Actually until this part of the sentence the mother’s face is lighting like a 400-watt bulb.

Hero: (continues…) ye dekh mera diploma !               

Suddenly there is darkness all around and a sound of loud slap.

Maa: c****ye, teri saari fees mein to 10 B.Sc., 20 B.Com 30 B.A. aur 100 Bihar University ki degreeya aa jati, aur tu laya sirf 'ek DIPLOMA'

Now again cut back to the 400 watt bulb phase:

Hero: (continues..) Maa ye dekh meri degree

Maa: Mere laal, aaj tune meri mamta ki laaj rakh li

Basically you got the point. So I continue with my monologue.

I never thought I would feel so elated on being a part of that monotonously long process with some really silly and useless steps. But here I was, beaming like a 2-year old child facing his first candy of life. When I think in retrospect, did I make the right choice by skipping my Engineering convocation? Aur wahan to puri degree mil rhi thi !

While in the current process there was a particular step where we had to bow down when the Chairman says “blah blah blah, some more blah blah blah... Ending with 'in words indeed' ”. Basically we had to ignore everything and care for “… in words indeed” and bow in unison at this very point. For this particular step, we (195 students, 1 PGP chair, 5 lazy PGP staff and a certain Mr. Malleri) practiced for exactly 47.67 times. A good idea but one that does not works.

Here are the few flaws in the process that are at the top of my mind right now. I am pretty sure there are many more.

1. What if chairman had a fight with his wife and he thinks of taking revenge on 195 innocent lives. So he repeats the phrase at the end of each sentence. Imagine the scene.
2.  What if he is in a very good mood and he thinks of have some fun.
3. What if the Director himself turns out to be the chairman? Well for IIMI people I don’t need to explain anything more. For others read this… And please don't imagine anything at this point. Khayal to tumhare honge, aur lagni humari hai.

There is more to share. But I guess this much rant should be enough for now.


P.S. : I have used a smiley in this post. Surprisingly Blogspot does not provide such a trivial thing in its features and I really had to work hard to include it in my post. So even if you don't value the post, atleast value this effort... :P :) ;) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D   

The story of a Bhaiya jee

To avoid ‘3 Idiot’ like controversy, I give full credit of the story to Sharma jee (the biggest BC’od I have come to know) and of course Akhilesh jee, without whose concerted effort this post would have never happened.

Akhilesh jee from Benaras, the city of IT-BHU has been a man of simple and humble mode of living. This is a true incident of his life…

AK was destined for greatness, so it was no surprise when he became the first one of his blocks to score in IIT-JEE exams. For obvious reasons his friends were in awe of him. On one fateful day, they all got an invitation from one of their friends, inviting them to his marriage.

Venue: Bhabua, (50 kilometers from Varanasi)

Well AK might have cleared JEE and all, but train travel was something he has never attempted. The same was true for all his other friends. Hence starts “Akhilesh ki pratham train yatra.”

Akhilesh ki pratham train yatra

The schedule time was 9:00 am. Well, AK might not have used Indian rail, but he sure knew how the system works. Never on time!

So, they arrive at the station a little late to compensate for the inefficiencies of railways. But the train’s starting station was Varanasi, and hence it left on time. Not one to lose hopes they went to Mughalsarai to catch another train. After a two hour wait, a passenger train arrives.

AK (to a person on the station): Bhaisahab ye train Bhabua jati hai kya?

Gentleman # 1: Jee haan!

AK chale apni sawari leke

So AK and his friends happily get on the train. They were waiting on the door when Bhabua station came. The train was travelling at a good speed, and to their surprise it did not stop at Bhabua.

AK (to another person on the train): Bhaisahab, hum to puch ke baite the, ki ye train Bhabua jaati hai kya, per ye to ruk hi nahi rahi…

Gentleman #2: Bhai, ye train Bhabua jaati to hai, per wahan rukti nahi hai.

As nothing was going right for them, so they decided against pulling the chain. People suggested them to get down at the next station from where they can get a return train.

After sometimes the train stopped at a small station. Not wasting a moment time, they all got down there. They enquired whether any train passes from there towards Bhabua and whether it will stop at Bhabua.

After sometimes a train came, and maintaining the same speed passed them without stopping.

AK (to the person who gave him info about the train): Bhaisahab, aapne to kahan tha yehan se Bhabua ke liye train pass hoti hai..

Gentleman # 3: Train to yeha se jaati hai per yehan nahi rutki.

By this time, AK-gang had enough of Indian railways and they decided to take a bus to Bhabua. They came out of the station and came to know that they can get a bus only at the next station which is 5 kms away. Seeing no way back and with no other option left, they travelled this 5 kms on foot only to realize that the last bus has left few mintues ago.

So they started asking for lift. Per ye zaalim duniya sirf advice de sakti hai, lift nahi… After an hour a truck agreed to drop them at a place Mohania (about 4 kms away from Bhabua). Once they reached Mohania, they hired an auto for Rs. 150 to Bhabua.

Is tarah se Akhilesh jee ki pehli train yatra samapt hui. Yehi soch rahe honge aap!!

Aisa hi kuch AK ne bhi socha tha… per picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

On reaching Mohania, they asked the auto-wala about the address of the wedding venue. They showed the marriage card to the auto wala.

AK (to auto-wala): Arey Bhaiya, ye card per jo address likha hai, aapko pata hai kaha per hai..

Auto-wala (looking at them with total amazement): Arey Bhaiya, ye address to Mohania ka hai, jehan se aapne auto thik kia tha, aapko pehle puchna tha.

Even after all this, AK was not the one to lose faith on God. Again with some jugaad they finally reached the wedding venue. Like it was the last thing before their life ends, all of them attacked the food items. They ate like elephants and drank like camels. After some dance and celebrations they decided to congratulate the friend, whose marriage they were attending.

AK (to another person in the wedding): Bhaisahab, Kisna kahan hai?

Gentleman # 4: Kaun Kisna!

AK: arey kamal karte hai, jiski shadi hai…

Gentleman # 4: arey kamal aap kar rhe hai, shadi to Birju ki hai, aur aap log kaun hai?

AK equipped with his JEE brain suddenly realized his mistake and asked his friends to furtively leave the scene.

After another half-hour search they finally located their friend's wedding venue, wished him and went to sleep.

In the morning while leaving for Benaras, they decided that to avenge all that has happened to them, they wont buy tickets and make railway pay for them.

Currently they are standing in front of a T.T. at Mughalsarai station, asking him to forgive them. 

The story of a dude, the tale of a loser

Ek Rahe Dude, Ek Rahe Loser

Disclaimer: This is the real story of a dude and I have not made up any of the parts. To be honest some of the incidents are so hilarious that if I could really write such funny stuff then I would be calling Rohit Shetty for his next script. 

Incident 1

Dude is very happy. His vacations are starting on 4^th of a random month and ending on the 8^th of same random month. He is studying in an engineering college of New Delhi and his hometown is 'somewhere in UP'. What is there to laugh? Well he books a ticket from 'somewhere in UP' to Delhi for 4^th and a return ticket from Delhi to 'somewhere in UP' for 8^th. 

What! You said, you did not get the joke. Now I am laughing at you also.

Incident 2

Dude is pursuing some higher study degree in some other college now. Dude has taken some electives because of which his exams gets over on 12^th of April (year irrelevant). But because of his foresight he had his tickets booked for 14^th April. So he waits for two extra days, listening to all the jibes of his friends who had their exams ending on 14^th. When he is leaving for station on 14^th he checks his ticket to find that he had originally booked the tickets for 12^th only. He conveniently forgot this fact and somehow an angel (devil) in his dreams told him that he has booked his ticket for 14^th. 

Incident 3

Dude's Motto in Life: Chalo Dilli

Dude again plans in advance for New Delhi, this time not repeating mistake number one and two. So he books the ticket not mixing the return dates and marks the ticket date on every possible corner of his room. On the D-day (February 22, 2011), he leaves for the station. After nearly an hour or so, 'the Loser' gets a call from the Dude.

Dude: Oye, kal ERP ka end term hai kya?

Loser: Yes, why!

Dude: Yaar, maine ERP lia hai.

Loser: What! Then why are you going to Delhi?

Dude: I was so concerned about getting the tickets, train and station right that I forgot to check the schedule for classes…

Loser: hahaha…!!! (cellphones drops from his hand) he is rotfl, well not f but b(bed).

So the dude comes back to the hostel and checks the schedule just to be sure.

What are you thinking?

It is not over yet.

Our dude finds out that in addition to the ERP he also has his SMIT end-term a day later.

Meanwhile Loser is thinking, if he saved the Dude from getting forked in two of his papers than how come he is Loser and Dude is dude. Slowly, he resigns to the fact that the world operates in this way only.